Loving Me before Anyone Else

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With a new season approaching, as lovely as summer is, it’s known for romances, flings and all type of related things. Whether it’s beaching with a babe or cuddling up by a campfire, it’s a great season for love. This season approaching has me thinking on a particular topic. As I’ve mentioned before it’s been about a year and a half since I got out of a 7-year relationship. Although it was an incredible learning experience and showed me the type of partner I want to be with my “person”, I haven’t been open to the idea of seriously jumping in a relationship with someone. I’ve daydreamed about it but when it came down to the very real side of it I stepped away. I did this because I really wanted to grow as a person and become the version of myself I want to be. Although I’m not 100% there with it I have been more open to the idea about seriously dating someone. With this change of heart, instantly came reflection.

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As I sat on a plane at 11 at night, where this nothing to do but think. I thought was I pathetic for not jumping in a relationship quickly like my significant other did post-breakup? Was I making it harder on myself to get over that relationship by not immediately giving my heart away? I thought these late night thoughts and was absolutely paralyzed that I even thought them for a second.

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Everyone deals with grief differently and losing someone that was in my life for 10 years, 7 romantically was I consider, absolutely grief. When my ex and I broke up we dealt with it on our own and in a very different way, and that’s okay. After these thoughts came through my mind I was thinking if other people had these thoughts out there. I just want to be someone to tell you, you are not pathetic. You did not prolong your healing process. If anything, I learned SO much about myself that I am forever grateful for this stage in my life. You know how you look back at college during your post-grad life and you’re happy you never have to go back to school yet, you miss parts of that time? I feel like once I do decide to open my heart to someone I’m going to miss this time with myself, like how we miss college.

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I can’t speak on the side of moving on quickly because that’s not how I healed but I can speak on not wanting to rush into anything. I now feel hopeful and clear-minded when deciding to adventure with someone else. I lost myself over those seven years and it took quite some time to get back but, it feels absolutely incredible to smile and really mean it. It feels incredible to want to love someone and be genuinely happy for another individual and not cynical or toxic. In life, we are a bad person in someone’s story. I know that the next relationship I get into I won’t be the bad person in their life. I’ll be part of their journey or their end game, and that’s because I found myself and became comfortable with who I am. I am forever grateful for this very real and meaningful time by myself and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

thanks for reading,

xoxo Abby